ARTS & FARCES internet

Sheesh, I thought the literary agency game was a scam. Then I learned about “independent consulting.” These guys make literary agents look like pikers.

The literary agent takes 15% of everything an author makes. I’ve had and fired several and, truth be told, they’re sometimes worth their 15%. Of course, I’ll never forget my famous agent who got me into a contract that required me to buy back my copyright from the publisher when the work went out of print, but that’s another ugly story. So the agent takes 15% straight off the top. Chances are he or she works pretty hard to sell a book to a publisher. It’s hard work to cultivate a series of relationships with publishers and I’m sure all those flights to New York for lunch are taxing.

Clearly, literary agents are pimps and authors are whores. It’s okay, most of us knew that going in. The problem is that the pimps care more about the johns than their hookers. That’s okay too, most of us learned that pretty early in the game.

In early June I was asked to participate in a drug study sponsored by Bayer. I tentatively agreed and began to research just who Bayer was. I knew they made aspirin, but that’s all I knew. Turns out that Bayer AG is a German corporation founded in 1863. The current Bayer corporation is a result of the breakup of I.G. Farben, a large chemical conglomerate, after World War II. I.G. Farben manufactured Zyklon B, the chemical used in the Nazi death chambers, during the War. The company also used surviving Auschwitz Jews as forced laborers and designed the ovens used to incinerate the corpses in the death camps. Some reports indicate that Bayer, while a unit of I.G. Farben, may have played a role in Dr. Josef Mengele‘s human experiments. I immediately refused to participate in any studies sponsored by or involving Bayer, based on the corporation’s history.

The rest of June wasn’t a picnic. I started to see an alternative healer specializing in Chinese medicine and acupuncture. Unfortunately, I’m still too sick for acupuncture or any other kind of body work, but I’m convinced he can help me regain some control over my condition. The original goal was to boost my energy level. That goal was reached within a week or so. The current goal is to reduce my dialysis sessions to once a week within the next month.

“The clue train stopped there four times a day for ten years and they never took delivery.”

Get a great big pile of sand and put it on your kitchen table. Notice that when you add more sand the pile begins to collapse around the edges. All it takes is a single grain of sand to start an avalanche. Such is the state of business today: a pile of sand and one more grain is going to make it topple.

Cluetrain is that one grain of sand, and the business avalanche is coming so strong that it will make any Y2K problems seem like a day at the beach.

Screw a bunch of sand. Cluetrain is leading the way for the New Reformation, complete with Ninety-Five Theses. Martin Luther began the Reformation by nailing his Ninety-Five Theses to the church door. Luther’s Ninety-Five Theses opposed the practice of payment to the Church—called indulgences—to absolve one’s sins. The corporation has become the new church and the practice of indulgences is alive and well. Cluetrain has nailed its Ninety-Five Theses to the door of the new church.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that very large American companies are scrambling to find a way to squeeze a profit from this thing called Internet. None of them understand it, but they all want to own it because with ownership comes control and with control comes power. Or at least it did until the Internet hit the scene. But very large American companies haven’t quite figured that out yet. See the circular logic? See very large American companies failing?

It’s mildly amusing to sit back and watch the dance as corporate greed becomes the standard mode of business operation. The corporate clowns dance with each other in a tight embrace with one hand clutched in a firm handshake; the other clenched around the handle of a large knife, poised to strike. Problem is when these bozos dance, people get hurt. And what was a slow, formal waltz is now an out-of-control pinstriped mosh pit.

Consider the duel between Netscape and Microsoft for a dance with America Online (AOL). On March 11, 1996, Netscape and America Online announced a technology alliance that would allow America Online to offer Netscape’s Navigator software as the standard Web browser for AOL customers. On March 12, 1996, America Online switched partners, announcing that Netscape was out and the standard AOL Web browser would be Microsoft’s Internet Explorer. AOL would continue to offer Netscape Navigator to its customers, but only as a second, non-standard choice.