In an unbylined story that reads like an Onion satire, the Associated Press is reporting that a reproduction of the signing of the Constitution collapsed on a gaggle of political dignitaries yesterday, American Independence Day.
The frame around the reproduction screen fell during an unveiling at the opening of the National Constitution Center in Philadelphia as political officials including Senator Arlen Spector (R-Pennsylvania) and Philadelphia mayor John Street tugged on red, white, and blue streamers that were supposed to lower the screen. Behind the screen was a newer painting with modern politicos—including Justices Antonin Scalia and Stephen Breyer—carefully positioned as illusory founding father replacements.
The Associated Press account is as surreal as it is amusing:
“The crowd of 4,000 gasped as the frame came down around Justice O’Connor, who had counted down from three to start the ceremony.
“‘I got a bruise, a contusion. There’s nothing broken or anything,’ Mr. Street said outside the hospital after his release, with one arm bandaged and the other holding a small American flag.
“Gov. Edward G. Rendell of Pennsylvania, who was also on the stage, said he saw the frame coming and stepped out of the way.
“‘It wasn’t frightening, because I think most of us thought it was Styrofoam,’ Governor Rendell said.
“As medics rushed to the stage, the show continued.
“Small cannons fired streamers over the crowd, fireworks erupted from the building’s roof and four military jets roared overhead. The $185 million museum opened to the public, as planned, after the ceremony.”
There’s so much archetypal symbolism in this account that you could spend days deconstructing it. Suffice it to say there are three deep lessons here for the Washington screwheads:
- The Constitution is not made of Styrofoam.
- The Constitution cannot be brought down by your tugging on pseudo-patriotic streamers and ribbons.
- In your wildest dreams you’ll never even stand in the shadow of the original framers of the Constitution.
0 responses. Comments closed for this article.