ARTS & FARCES internet

My open heart surgery to repair or replace the mitral valve has been rescheduled for Thursday, 24 March at 1PM.

That’s right, I’ve been bumped. I’m looking into either miles, or a voucher, or something. At least a first-class upgrade.

I was at the Nasseff Heart Center at United Hospital in Saint Paul and had just completed my pre-surgical workup (an EKG and blood work; nothing that couldn’t have been done at my primary care physician last Thursday or at dialysis this morning—but we have to keep the billables up, after all). The surgeon—have I told you that he’s like 12 years old (he says he’s got kids but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t shave)—had already been in to give me the thumbs up for tomorrow morning and I was just sitting around waiting to be moved to a room for the night. Karen was eating corn chips. The surgeon came back in and told me there was an emergency case and would I mind if we rescheduled until Thursday.

Angering the surgeon didn’t seem like a real good idea, so I said, “no problem.” With a smile, even. Two hours later, the nurse had removed the IV, I was discharged, and on my way home. No miles, no voucher, no upgrade. Not even free parking. But I did get a real nice enema kit as a parting gift.

All this after getting up at 4AM to get to dialysis and get to the hospital by 11AM.

But you know what? If you think it sucks to be me, it really sucks to be the emergency case guy. As Karen said as we were on our way home, “Someone’s really crying.” But I bet they didn’t make him take an enema kit.

So, if it should make its way onto your individual and collective radar, kindly keep me in your thoughts this Thursday, 24 March whenever you can from about 1-6PM or so. This whole let’s stop his heart, collapse his lungs, do the valve job, and see if we can get it all started back up has my cage plenty rattled. Believe me, I can use all the help I can get.