Things were going pretty well throughout most of April. I was still working full-time and I thought I was managing my kidney disease pretty well. I had switched to the last dialysis shift on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays (4:00 PM - 8:00 PM), leaving the better part of my weekends free.
In late April the bottom fell out. I had uncontrollable diarrhea and vomiting for three straight days and I had to pay Saint Joseph’s Hospital yet another visit. I was septic and spent three days undergoing tests to find the infection. Never did find out what it was that dropped me in my tracks, but the doctors’ best guess was some sort of bacterial infection that was later compounded by some sort of viral infection. Or vice versa; they didn’t know.
The problem was clearly related to my catheter—it’s seen by my body as foreign and therefore something to attack. Weeks later, additional blood tests revealed a staph infection and I had to take some pretty nasty antibiotics every other day for about a month or so. My fistula wasn’t yet mature, so the catheter had to stay for now. I hadn’t had a shower since February; the catheter and it’s exit site can’t get wet at all. This was quickly becoming No Fun At All. Worst of all, I still didn’t feel much better. My energy level still hadn’t rebounded, and I spent a good deal of time fighting nausea and diarrhea. It was an especially rough few weeks.
By the end of May I was feeling pretty good, although I was still running out of gas sooner than normal. From childhood, I’ve always had two states: on and off. This disease was especially frustrating because I was having to learn how to deal with the new state of being slow.
I knew I had to be feeling good because nothing was going to keep Karen and me from the annual Big Wu Family Reunion over Memorial Day weekend. The only concessions we made to my illness was to rent a cabin instead of camp and get permission to park back stage in order to beat a hasty retreat in the event of rain. Of course it ended up raining most of the weekend, but we didn’t retreat. We cashed in early the first two nights and wound up listening from the car during the heaviest weather, but all in all we had a Real Good Time.
We all know that unconditional positive regard is crucial for humans to thrive and I’m pretty sure it helps the healing process along. Same with good music, and I like all kinds. The Big Wu Family Reunion is a special gathering—I usually describe it as my hippy family reunion to the uninitiated. I can’t describe the benefit garnered from spending a long weekend with 5,000 people who have nothing but kind regard for each other and do nothing but help each other muddle through and take in some mighty fine music for three straight days.
Besides the music, one of the best aspects of the Family Reunion is reconnecting with distant friends. Pastor Tim is such a friend. He’s a Lutheran minister in Great Falls, Montana and I only get to see him a couple of times a year. This year was a special treat because I got to meet his wife and son. Tim is also the Big Wu’s archivist and makes lots of juicy CD’s for me to listen to at dialysis (including the infamous Keller Williams’ “Kidney in a Cooler” tapes).
I’ve been getting what I call “tangible spiritual” support from lots of good friends and a conversation I had with Tim during the Family Reunion is typical.
My grandma (whom I dearly loved) always told me that it was a sin to pray for yourself. You should always pray for others, but never for yourself, she used to say. I asked Tim about all of this. “I hate to tell you this, but your grandma was full of shit,” he said. “You have to pray unreasonably! Don’t just pray for what you think God might give you—pray for what you really want! After you pray, you should spend at least as much time just shutting up and listening so that you can recognize the answer to prayer when it comes and sometimes it comes in a very unexpected voice and at unexpected times. God often speaks through the common everyday voices we recognize a little too well.” What a wise guy.
Jerry’s another friend of mine who is far away in Austin, Texas. I’ve known Jerry for a long time and sometimes we don’t even get a chance to speak for years at a time. When we reconnect, though, it’s at the same point we left things when we last spoke. Jerry has always been involved in spirituality and he’s currently deeply involved in the Lakota community and ceremonial activities including sweat lodges, the Sun Dance, vision quest, etc.
Jerry has included me in his talks with his Grandfathers in Lodge and will place prayer ties for me on the Sun Dance tree later this summer.
So, I’m feeling good about the people I’ve got in my corner and I’ll take some time to write about them more in the future.
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